Drive-In Bingo

Seriously, I do believe my title says it all.  DRIVE-IN BINGO!!!  This is a reason to move to northern Sweden, all by itself. 

Every Wednesday night, at the TonHallen (Town Hall?) they host drive-in bingo in their parking lot.  People stay in their cars, receive their cards, numbers are called over a loud speaker and if you win you honk your horn.  It's awesome. 

Now we do not own a car here, nor are planning to, but I want to go.  I'm thinking just take 4 lawn chairs and set them up in a parking spot like a car, no one will notice right? Or if they object, bring the stroller; that is a vehicle. We could bring a school bell or an airhorn for signalling our win.  I think its brilliant, like those people who walk through drive-throughs. 

Things I never thought I'd do as a parent.

This is a photo of Beth and her new doll.  Notice the expression of pure joy on her face.  As a parent, I love being able to offer this to her. That's not what I never thought I'd do. 

But the doll is one of those creepy, hard plastic, with the eyes that open and close, makes you think of a Stephen King, "DON'T OPEN THE CLOSET JANETTE, THE DOLL'S WILL SEE YOU", kind of doll.  But she loves it.

For the past 2 weeks she's been picking up any baby, hard plastic doll she could find, hugging it and dragging it around everywhere.  I'm not heartless, I just find them super creepy.  So this weekend we went out and looked through all the dolls in the creepy doll section of the toy store to find Beth her very own.  Why not get one I like you might ask.  Well I don't like any hard plastic toy, but she just doesn't have the same reaction to the plush toys, and I love her, and it's not like she's learning to love psychotropic drugs or "Grand Theft Auto" or anything.  I do feel that this is the first of many decisions as a parent I never thought I'd make.  Who knows maybe we will let her get a pony?

Our first fika!

To say that fika is the process of having a coffee, or meeting for coffee is to dramatically understate the reverence given to this occassion.  In fact there is no direct way to translate this term into English that conveys the full process or importance of it.  When I checked in my swedish-english dictionary it said "coffee".  That's like saying hockey is a "sport" in Canada.

Fika is a meeting with friends and strangers.  A time to talk, discuss, socialize and there happens to be coffee and food as well.  It is the social and shared aspect of this ritual that is really important, otherwise its just kaffe.

So yesterday all the new Canadians in Sundsvall met up with one of the locals at Barista a beautiful fairtrade, organic coffee house downtown.  They have coccoon swing seats inside, a huge couch bed for lounging, outdoor tables, blankets in case you get cold, a play area for children, oh and delicious coffee and treats.  It is beautiful.  Should you find yourself in northern Sweden I definately reccommend it. But coming back to the point, we met on the patio, parked the strollers with the sleeping children and proceeded to sit and chat for the next 3 hours.  Service is slow, but tasty.  Atmosphere is relaxed and easy to spend time in. Once the kids woke up there were places for them to run around and play in, I enjoyed the inclusiveness of it.  The only downside would be the price.  I am still living through sticker shock, and the $20 CAD for 2 coffees and a brownie makes me feel slightly ill.  I'm assuming once I start having a Swedish pay cheque that will hurt less.

 Through this small Swedish ritual I am beginning to feel the growth of the community to which I am going to belong.  It was really really nice. As an adult I have moved communities about every 4 years, and it is exciting and hard to restart, make new friends and form your sanity and support.  Toronto, our last move was probably the hardest one we had made.  Because the city is so big its hard to become close to people, and because I grew up there I had this false sense that it should happen quickly.  It didn't.  Only after 4 years there was I really beginning to feel a sense of community in my life (outside of family).  I'm not saying we're there yet here, but I can see where the seeds of it start.

So I look forward to many fika, although it definitely means that I will have to keep my running in top gear or I will have to add clothes shopping to my list of things to do.

Daycare Dilemmas

Daycare is something I am really struggling with right now.  Before we arrived in Sundsvall I was REALLY EXCITED about the Swedish daycare system.  It ranks second for expenditure by government from all OECD countries, not bad. It is highly subsidized, satisfies most/all reccommendations for high quality early childhood education, and works with parents work hours.  Contrast this to the Canadian system of expensive, satisfying few of the overall reccommendations Brilliant.  As with everything the detailed picture is not so easy.

We have been placed at a daycare near our house. Before I describe I need to say that I loved the daycare we were going to put Beth at in Toronto.  I spent a lot of time researching it, meeting the people and arranging her care.  It was a great place with caring, well trained instructors and I believe she would have thrived there.  It's a hard standard to live up to. 

Our daycare here is super convenient.  Really at the age of 1 she could almost walk there on her own, it's literally out the back door. It's opening hours are also very convenient for us for work.  But that's where my love of the place ends.  All daycares here have some fantastic basics that are universal.  They provide the children with breakfast, lunch, and snack.  They spend as much time as possible outdoors.  If we want to provide her with SSL (swedish as a second language) support we can.  Some common oddities are also included, like babies nap in their own strollers, outside, in winter.  But things like that are universal and we're learning to love the fresh air for her.

But this daycare is small, and is placed between an apartment building and dirt yard.  It doesn't have many trees and they generally play on the pavement.  The smallness is fine, except it means the big and small kid areas are easily mixed and small toys end up on the floor in the baby area. The staff seem very nice and caring, but there's few of them to a lot of children.  I saw toddlers climbing on top of picnic tables or eating dirt for a while before stopped.  I may be a snob, but it just made me uncomfortable. 

So we've been shopping.  We looked at a parent co-op daycare that is beautiful, has huge bright areas for the kids to play in, the teacher's seem really invested, as are the parents.  But its far away and we would need to be involved during the daytime occassionally, not so good for our new full time jobs.  The opening hours are also a little bit less which may mean mornings are a little tighter.

Ultimately I don't know what to do.  I feel so much pressure to make the best decision for her, and if I make the wrong one now it will ultimately cause her to drop out of highschool pregnant and tatooed (not that tatooes are wrong).  I know that's a bit extreme, but it really feels like the pervasive culture of parenting right now.  Look at the 3 year olds who receive tutoring in NYC. That's normal there!  I never want to be that parent, but I also don't want to be the parent who ranks my convenience higher than my child's education.  I also don't want to over react, and if you know me at all ( which some of you do too well) I also have a wee bit of that tendancy.

Most of the time I feel that I am writing into the void, or a note home so family feels they are experiencing our trip with us.  But this post I would love comments on.  Anyone else know what I should do?  Sometimes being an adult sucks, I preferred the level of decision making of what colour crayon to use.  Somedays anyway.

Homesick (Not just because we need a baby sitter to go see Harry Potter)

  Normally I spend the first month away from home quite miserable until I start to feel more local in my new situation.  That hasn't really happened this time and I think mostly due to the fact I am travelling with my immediate family, my husband and daughter.  Almost everything to date has felt like an adventure; I haven't been comparing everything to home or questioning why I left or waiting for the first month to be over as I know about this period I go through.

Today was the first time I could really describe myself as homesick. Both my husband, Kevin, and I are from quite closeknit families where we see or talk to each other regularly.  It took us two weeks after arriving in Sundsvall to make it onto Skype with our parents.  Due to our lack of internet, I hadn't even known my Dad had travelled to another country during that time.  That was weird, and I felt quite isolated.

It also really has started to hit home about our lack of support.  Our 13 months old daughter has started to hit the "terrible twos" (yes she is quite the overachiever).  I think there's so many new things and she might be starting to realize we're not going "home" so it is overwhelming her.  Also her awareness of the surrounding world has visibly increased in the last couple weeks alongside her frustration of not being able to express her desires.  It has led to quite a few temper tantrums recently.  At home we're quite spoiled, in that if we're frustrated or tired there's always a grandparent, aunt or uncle to help out, spend some time with Beth and let us regain our sanity.  Yesterday there was just Kevin and I, trading off, trying to stop the screaming.  Let me assure you, very little sanity left.  I didn't really think about it until a friend turned up to go for a walk and Beth stopped, giggled and smiled.  Apparently that novelty of it not being grumpy Mom or Dad was enough to make her feel better.

I miss having those people around who are automatically going to help Beth feel happy, loved and secure.  I also miss the help and support that keep Kevin and I sane as we navigate this new world as parents (and who provide lovely babysitting services for us gratis). I know over time we can and will build that community here, but the realization of how much we've left behind is a bit hard today.

So if my family is reading this, I appreciate you, miss you and love you.

There are no laundromats in Sweden

Did anyone else know that?  I learnt it shortly before we came here, read it in someone else's blog I think.  It's true.  In the past (1970's I think) the government decided that all apartment blocks should have free laundry in the basement. This leads to the lack of public laundromats as noone needs them.  Too bad for backpacking tourists, great for us.  Communal laundry is also quite scary, in fact it was one of things I was most nervous about before moving here. Sweden is generally a polite country with little crime, but breaking the laundry room laws can incite levels of aggression in Swedes that involve the police.

But so far, so good.  Our building only has about 10 apartments that share one washer and dryer.  There's a board you lock in your time (literally, so no one can move it).  You have 3 hours and one hour for drying.  Do not start early, do not go over.  But the system seems to work efficiently (like many other things here) and I have yet to actually see someone in the room.

There's one washer, one dryer, a drying closet (picture below), a machine to press your sheets and a room that you can hang your clothes up in and then turn on a huge fan with which to dry them.  I am amazed.  The washing machine is tiny, probably half the size of mine at home.  The dryer larger and less efficient, very few people seem to use it.  The drying closet is literally a closet you hang your clothes in and run air through much like the room with the clothes line.  The pressing machine is two rollers and use cloth and pressure to iron sheets and anything else you're brave enough to put through the machine.  Overall I can get my wash, dry and ironing done in about 4 hours and so far haven't been locked in a room or my family drawn into a blood feud.

An Icelandic Goodnight

I was going through pictures of our trip and found two really lovely photos of an Icelandic lullabye.  We found these, if you can believe it, on our IcelandAir flight.  Thought I would upload them to share the sweet goodnight thoughts.

sjukvård

Beth is sick today. Well truthfully she’s been sick for a couple of days now. Fever of 103F (39.5C here), listless, won’t eat (except prunes, it’s been a bit messy), getting two new teeth, throwing up and all she wants to do is cuddle. It’s very hard to see her like this, she’s so sad. There’s not even enough language to reassure her right now, she just blubbers and whines. So today I decided she needed to see the doctor. Not for any emergency, but just to make sure we weren’t missing anything.

 As you may have read yesterday, we don’t have our personal numbers yet, so we don’t have healthcare. But no fears to my parents, I have been a responsible adult and purchased insurance for our first 2 months here. We have to call them first for permission, no problems they provide a collect number to call directly, except you can’t call collect from Sweden. Really there’s no way as far as we can tell. Now my daughter’s sick, but I am still a frugal woman and loathe calling on our mobile for billions SEK/minute and ask Kevin to figure out how to make phone calls on Skype. We buy credits, read the how to, and call...and they can’t hear us. We think that our furnitureless, rugless, pictureless apartment is a little too echoey for our poor laptop’s microphone. I finally yell slowly and loudly enough for the poor woman at the insurance agency to hear me and she offers to call me back. Hopefully incoming international calls are only millions SEK/minute (I am still frugal afterall).

 We get the ok, go to the doctor prepared to pay and fill out the long reimbursement forms and.....they don’t charge us. Seemingly the promise that we will get personal numbers is enough for them to assign us a temporary number and examine our daughter (children are completely free of charge for medical care in Sweden). Lovely. So different from Mexico where it was a 100 USD to sit in the doctor’s office. They even had toys for Beth to play with, took a swab for strep and tested it on the spot, were lovely to her, a bit condescending to the paranoid first time parents and generally very laid back. Still don’t know what’s wrong with Beth, but we left armed with more Baby Tylenol (Alvudin here) and a lovely sense of their healthcare system and how it works well (Mr Harper may want to read that sentence again). The sad bunny went to bed hugging her bear, bum in the air asleep and all I can is wish her sweet dreams and a long restful night to help her feel better. And the same to all of you.

Queuing as National Sport

Since moving here, Kevin and I have been trying to establish our “right to reside”. As a Hungarian citizen (for the moment I’m ignoring my red and white half) I have a right to reside in Sweden for as long as I can support myself. No visas, no fees, supposedly less paperwork. But more queuing. We went to the Migration board last Thursday to take number 37 and see number 7 being called. Left as baby was cranky, thought we’d return. At school they told us that they had been informed we could not submit our paperwork until August as that is when our work contracts begin.

 Now, I have the right to be here and live here for 3 months with no proof of work, so then the question is in order to fill out the paperwork why do I need to be working? Grrr. The school suggested we try to get our personal numbers, by flubbing and saying we were in the process with the migration board. Personal numbers are very important here, they’re like SIN numbers back home, but you use them for EVERYTHING....employment, leases, taxes, daycare rights, the doctor, bank accounts, personal ID cards, even the IKEA club card. You can not do anything in this society unless you have one. But can we get one, no not until we are through the migration board, and then after we apply it’s at least another four weeks.

 Now this would not be terribly concerning except you need a personal number to get a bank account and without a bank account you can not pay for anything. They do not accept cash anymore at most places in Sweden. Stores yes, but doctor, daycare, any of your bills no. I could get a non-resident bank account, but then that haunts us for the rest of the time here. On the bright side, should we get a bank account someday, there are no fees and you may get a bit of a discount for not troubling them with cash, but we still have to get it. Think the landlord, utilities and daycare will mind waiting a couple of months before they get paid? I didn’t think so either.

A stranger in a Swede land

First to all our family and friends I want to let you know we have arrived, are safe and starting to settle in. We do not have internet yet (so this is posted late), and only a local phone. Beth has had a rough couple days but is finally beginning to sort out her days and nights. She also loves mackerel, but not so much the Wasa bread. I will write more on our specific adventures in coming entries, but wanted to devote today to things I have learned about Swedes....

I have been living in Sundsvall, Sweden for 3 days now and it is a contradiction of exactly what I thought and the opposite of what I thought it would be.
Firstly, Ikea is a wonderland. At the Ikea here you can get ice cream out of machine, coffee out of a machine and buy almost anything you could think of. Poang, the chair we all love, means point, and I don’t know quite how they connect. Delivery is brilliant, when you have 4 carts of things. Finally, 8 hours is too long to spend in any one place, even if it is Ikea.

What else have I learned. Most Swedes truly are tall, blonde and gorgeous, as opposed to being reserved they are very touchy feely. They are not overly warm to strangers, but many will offer to help when you look truly lost. It’s a very safe place to walk around in, but half of the women have been physically assaulted. Alcohol (and everything else) is very expensive, but they do like to drink. Strangely, herring is not the major food group in their diet. In fact they don’t even really like fish that much except for salmon. They are obsessed with tacos and pizza. Grocery stores do not carry white vinegar or peanut butter, except for maybe one lonely jar in the international section. Everyone here has a car even though most live in walking distance of everything. They love to sit outside in the sun and swim in any available water. Laundry is very serious business where you need to reserve your spot in advance, and they have all manner of appliances in the laundry room I have no idea how to use (watch for Sunday’s instalment).

And most fascinating discovery of the day...all apartment buildings seems to have a skyddsrum, or air raid shelter. Does this concern anyone else? The signs look maintained so I don’t think it’s just a leftover from WWII. Maybe the Finns are attacking?